Quotes from The Anguish and Agonies of Charles Spurgeon by Darrel W. Amundsen

What torments did Spurgeon suffer? How did he reconcile his painful experiences with his view of a gracious God?
At the risk of oversimplifying, we can categorize Spurgeon’s sufferings as spiritual, emotional, and physical.
Spiritual Agonies – Throughout his ministry, he referred to the horrors he had felt for five years while under conviction of sin, intellectually aware of the gospel, yet blind to its personal application.
Slander and Scorn – During his early years in London, Spurgeon received intense slander and scorn.
He said, “If to be made the laughing stock of fools and the song of the drunkard once more will make me more serviceable to my Master, and more useful to his cause, I will prefer it to all this multitude, or to all the applause that man could give.”
The Weight of Preaching – Spurgeon attracted vast audiences from the beginning of his ministry. He remarked in 1883, “I have preached the gospel now these thirty years and more, and…often, in coming down to this pulpit, have I felt my knees knock together, not that I am afraid of any one of my hearers, but I am thinking of that account which I must render to God, whether I speak his Word faithfully or not.”
Emotional Trial by “Fire” – On the evening of October 19, 1856, Spurgeon was to commence weekly services at the royal Surrey Gardens Music Hall…capable of holding twelve thousand. During Spurgeon’s prayer [before an overflowing crowd] several malicious miscreants shouted, “Fire! The galleries are giving way!” In the ensuing panic, seven people died and twenty-eight were hospitalized with serious injuries. Yet until Spurgeon’s death, the spectre of the calamity so brooded over him that a close friend and biographer surmised: “I cannot but think, from what I saw, that his comparatively early death might be in some measure due to the furnace of mental suffering he endured on and after that fearful night.”
Depression – If Spurgeon was acquainted with depression before, following the Surrey Hall disaster, it became a more frequent and perverse companion.
Having been absent for three Sundays [due to incapacitating illness], when he returned he preached on 1 Peter 1:6: “Wherein ye greatly rejoice though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations.” In the sermon, entitled “The Christian’s Heaviness and Rejoicing,” Spurgeon said that during his illness, when “my spirits were sunken so low that I could weep by the hour like a child, and yet I knew not what I wept for…a kind friend was telling me of some poor old soul living near, who was suffering very great pain, and yet she was full of joy and rejoicing. I was so distressed by the hearing of that story, and felt so ashamed of myself…” While he was struggling with the contrast between his depression and joy evinced [evidenced] by this woman who was afflicted with cancer, “This text flashed upon my mind, with its real meaning…that sometimes the Christian should not endure his sufferings with a gallant and joyous heart” but “that sometimes his spirits should sink within him, and that he should become as a little child smitten beneath the hand of God.”
Spurgeon was indeed frequently “in heaviness.” Spurgeon’s depression was the direct result of his various illnesses, perhaps simply psychologically, and in the case of his gout, probably physiologically as well. Despite this, Spurgeon thought of his own depression as his “worst feature” and once commented that “despondency is not a virtue; I believe it is a vice. I am heartily ashamed of myself for falling into it, but I am sure there is no remedy for it like a holy faith in God.”
Spurgeon comforted himself with the realization that such depression equipped him to minister more effectively: “I would go into the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary.”
Labors of Ministry – An orphanage to look after, four thousand members, marriages, burials, weekly sermons, The Sword and the Trowel to be edited, and a weekly average of five hundred letters to be answered.” In 1872 he asserted that “the ministry is a matter which wears the brain and strains the heart, and drains out the life of a man if he attends to it as he should.”
For his dear sake, I look with pity upon people who say, ‘Do not preach so often; you will kill yourself.’ A minister of God is bound to spurn the suggestions of ignoble ease, it is his calling to labor, and if he destroys his constitution, I, for one, only thank God that he permits us the high privilege of so making ourselves living sacrifices.”
Gout – The disease that most severely afflicted Spurgeon was gout, a condition that sometimes produces exquisite pain. What can be clearly identified as gout had seized Spurgeon …when he was 35 years old. He wrote, “…It is a great mercy to get one hour’s sleep at night…What a mercy have I felt to have only one knee tortured at a time. What a blessing to be able to put the foot on the ground again, if only for a minute!” Spurgeon was seldom free from pain from 1871 on.
The Down-Grade Controversy - Early in the controversy he commented that he had “suffered the loss of friendship and reputation, and the infliction of pecuniary withdrawments and bitter reproach…But the pain it has cost me none can measure.”
Where Is God During Suffering? - Spurgeon maintained that since God is sovereign, there are no such things as accidents. This, however, is not fatalism: “Fate is blind; providence has eyes.”
Unwavering belief in God’s sovereignty was essential for Spurgeon’s well-being: “It would be a very sharp and trying experience to me to think that I have an affliction which God never sent me, that the bitter cup was never measured out by him, not sent to me by his arrangement of their weight and quantity.”
He explained in 1873: “As long as I trace my pain to accidents, my bereavement to mistake, my loss to another’s wrong, my discomfort to an enemy, and so on, I am of the earth, earthy, and shall break my teeth with gravel stones; but when I rise to my God and see his hand at work, I grow calm, I have not a word of repining.”
Here and elsewhere Spurgeon noted the potential benefits of pain. In a sermon published in 1881 he maintained, “In itself pain will sanctify no man: it may even tend to wrap him up within himself, and make him morose, peevish, selfish; but when God blesses it, then it will have a most salutary effect—a suppling, softening influence.”
Here we see a marvelous paradox in Spurgeon’s experiential theology. He candidly admits that he dreaded suffering and would do whatever he legitimately could do to avoid it. Yet when not suffering acutely, he longed for it. “The way to stronger faith usually lies along the rough pathway of sorrow,” he said. “…I am afraid that all the grace that I have got out of my comfortable and easy times and happy hours might almost lie on a penny. But the good that I have received from my sorrows, and pains, and griefs, is altogether incalculable…Affliction is the best bit of furniture in my house. It is the best book in a minister’s library.”
On June 7, 1891, in extreme physical pain from his illnesses, Spurgeon preached what, unknown to him, proved to be his last sermon. His concluding words in the pulpit were, as usual, about his Lord: “He is the most magnanimous of captains. There never was his like among the choicest princes. He is always to be found in the thickest part of the battle. When the wind blows cold he always takes the bleak side of the hill. The heaviest end of the cross lies ever on his shoulders. If he bids us carry a burden, he carries it also. If there is anything that is gracious, generous, kind, and tender, yea lavish and superabundant in love, you always find it in him. These forty years and more have I served him, blessed be his name! And I have had nothing but love from him. I would be glad to continue yet another forty years in the same dear service here below if so it pleased him. His service is life, peace, joy. Oh, that you would enter on it at once! God help you to enlist under the banner of Jesus even this day! Amen.”

Excerpted from Free Grace Broadcaster, Issue 140, April 1992.