This is just a note to encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity to give premarital counseling to couples for whom you perform wedding ceremonies. Premarital counseling is your chance to educate a couple for marriage before it is forever too late. It may be the only time you will have to teach them the basics of the Faith as well.
Things that I have found to be helpful in counseling a couple for marriage: First, I have them write out their personal testimony – how they came to Christ. This may give you the opportunity to lead one or both to Christ as Savior. Remember, we are not to join a believer to an unbeliever in marriage (2 Cor. 6:14).
Next, I have them sign a commitment to stay the course to the end of the counseling period. My performing the wedding ceremony depends on this (A commitment is important for any kind of counseling you might do.) In fact, one clear danger signal is what Alistair Begg calls the “Hurry-up offense.” He suggests that a couple allow seven months of lead time to adequately complete the premarital process.
Then, I ask them if they are sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that marriage to one another is God’s will for them. If they answer in the affirmative, I challenge them to make a commit to purity until the wedding night if they have not already done so. If they are living together, they must separate until the wedding night. The months leading up to the wedding are often the most difficult to maintain moral purity.
I usually have a six-to-eight-week premarital counseling course that I require of each couple I marry. I have included a sample schedule of our sessions.
You might want to go over key passages of Scripture and perhaps sermons you have preached on various areas of importance for marriage. Examples: Gen. 2; Eph. 5; I Pet. 3; I Cor. 7 and 11:3. I have typed up my messages on these passages and then put blanks in them for the couple to fill in as I go through it with them. Subjects like “The Origin and Purpose of Marriage” (Gen. 2:18 – 25), “The Responsibility of the Christian Wife” (Ephesians 5:22 – 24; I Pet. 3:1 – 6), “The Responsibility of the Christian Husband” (Eph. 5:25 – 33; I Pet. 3:7), “Sexual Harmony in Marriage” (I Cor. 7:1 – 11), “Children & Parenting” (Eph. 6:1 – 4; Proverbs), “Financial Wisdom” (Proverbs), and “Divorce and Remarriage” (Mat. 5:32; 19:3 - 6; Mk.10:11,12; Rom. 7:3; I Cor. 7:10, 11, 39) are usually covered. Other topics might include: Birth Control, Abortion, Communication, and Moms working outside the home.
I also have them read books (specific chapters) on Christian marriage, listen to C.D.’s, and do some exercises in workbooks. My wife is almost always present to give a wife’s perspective on the topic covered.
What a wonderful opportunity premarital counseling affords us for teaching! Seize the day!
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